Ah, those high school reunions…
Perhaps both words–trepidation and anticipation–describe the feelings surrounding attending a high school reunion.
Especially when it’s the first one you’ve been to and you graduated thirty-some years ago.
Will bygones be bygones? Or will it be like too many TV shows or movies where old battles rear up? Will you have any John Cusack from Grosse Point Blank kind of moments? How many faces and names will you remember? Will people remember you so you don’t feel bad? Will that one eternally obnoxious person be there to bring up the embarrassing moment you have tried hard to forget?
What is it about an upcoming reunion—high school, college, whatever— that fills some of us with such dread? Or like my Dad who attended every reunion over the years—with such excitement to catch up?
High school is difficult for most kids. Teenagers are a little psychotic with various internal battles for one thing or the other to dominate. We’re trying out personalities. Teens want to discern likes and dislikes. We’re trying to be individuals when so much of society is telling up to be this or that. Mostly, we want to be grown up adults. We don’t want our parents to take care of us. Do we really want jobs for any reason besides having money? We want to play and have fun. Maybe we want a boy/girl friend. We don’t want tied down. Some of us wonder, is all there is? Doesn’t there have to be so much more? What comes after graduation? Where will the passions lead us?
And now, after decades, will it be like to go back?
Showing Up to Your First Reunion
If you’re lucky, your increasing anxiety about attending a reunion evaporates when you get there. Reality is so often less threatening than what our imaginations create.
You walk in, thankful for seeing faces you’ve kept in touch with over the years. There’s relief that there’s no spinning glitter ball hanging from the ceiling. Maybe you’re joyful to see that particularly sweet friend from grade school you haven’t seen in way too long.
You visit with fellows who were charming and nice then and discover they’re the same now. Hugs are exchanged with girlfriends who were sweet and soft-spoken back in the day—you see they haven’t changed. You catch up on careers, kids, travels, cities lived in, happiness achieved. The old stuff dissipates the more you talk, trading the funny ones, not the hard ones. A classmate who sat behind you for seven years is still makes you laugh out loud. The friend you once comforted in the bathroom after a bad breakup is now a fiercely independent businesswoman. Maybe that friend you were looking forward to catching up with passed away and you have some somber moments.
Enjoying the Moments
Whatever happens when we go back, renewing connections for an evening or going forward, it’s simply more life coming on. I say: bring it. Dive into that reunion with the same gusto you take into every other portion of your adult life. There may be one person you avoid. Another you want to catch up with but the ebbs and flows of the room keep you from doing it. The reunion is worth it because it’s a milestone. It’s something on the life schedule that can either take place with you or without you. I say go for it and see how you feel on the other side.
Me? After thirty-eight years, it was good to see many faces and sure sad learning we’ve lost fourteen classmates. I enjoyed having mini conversations or talking for twenty minutes. It was good to discover that the monster-in-my-closet-mind of what could have been was off base when confronted with reality. It was delightful.
Have You Attended a Reunion
How was it? Did you later connect on Facebook? Have old friendships renewed? Did you think, as I have, that every moment being there was worth it?
* Read, A Trip back to my College
Hey Rose,
Trepidation does not begin to express my emotion heading into my first ever attendance at a high school reunion in 38 years. It was a comfort to be able to chat with you for a few minutes. I especially enjoy your writing. Very nicely done. Jackie would be proud.
Blessings and cheers,
Matt
Same here, Matt! Even if our memories of the Great Snowmobile Wreck of 197XX are different! HA!
I’d attend another reunion–which I wasn’t sure I’d say. But it was fun to catch up so many characters from three classes.
Thanks for enjoying the writing–stop back anytime! Rosemary
I do think Mrs. C would enjoy this.
Hi Rose Mary. I came here from the October Platform challenge and am a fellow redhead. Very timely post, as I just spent the weekend at my 25-year law school reunion and had a wonderful time!
Hi Deb and welcome, fellow redhead! Glad to hear that your reunion was great. If you had time to read all the comments, it seems hit or miss on how these things actually go.
Hi Rose Mary, I don’t know if you remember me, but I remember you. I loved your beautiful red hair. Time flies by so quickly. I enjoy reading your blog. Seems like you have had an interesting life.
Of course I remember you, Debbie! Me and my ever-crazy red hair. It still doesn’t behave. 🙂
Life is interesting, for sure. Emailing you…
Rose, I attended my 20 year reunion a few years back and couldn’t believe how many people attended without their spouses. Don’t think my wife was going to let me go alone. Of course that worked out in my favor since by the time we left she knew more people in the room than I did!
Good for your wife for being so outgoing. My husband is an introvert when it comes to social settings. Much better for him to stay home than for me to feel obligated to hang around with him when I want to flit through the room. What honey? You read these comments? Oh, er…
I missed my 10 year reunion a couple years ago because I didn’t care enough to go. I may go to my 20th. I have 7 years to think about it though.
Jason, I always thought I was the only one who wavered on whether to go or not (although I was never in the state when they were held), but it’s been enlightening to read these comments. Most people didn’t attend/want to. I look forward to hearing from you in 7 years!
How cute are you?! I’ve never attended reunion. But, one of my first jobs as a psychologist (13 years after HS) I was employed by a school system and attended HS with six of the special ed. teachers. It was eye-opening. The group of teachers were a popular group and remained friends. I never fit in with any one group and always felt like a misfit. But one day one of the group told me how they envied my ability to fit in with everyone… I was shocked at the discrepancy of our perceptions.
That is a great story, Gilda. Really, that’s the basis of what’s wrong with high school! Never thought of that before. We all have these ideas about each other, but they’re never quite what the person thinks about themselves. Wow. I have to ponder this new perspective. Hmmm.
I’ve never been to a high school reunion. I went to 3 different high school and never was one place long enough to really feel like I knew everyone. There were only fifty-something kids in my graduating class and I can’t even remember a lot of them. We did just form a Facebook group so I’ve seen a lot of their profile pages. It really boggles my mind that I can’t recall many of these people. Anyway, I’m glad you had fun at your high school reunion.
Erica, I studied 3 year books before going to the reunion since it combined ’75, ’76 and my class of ’77. Our class was/is the biggest the school ever had (those last of the baby boomers) at 160+. There were many people there I could recognize. I was one of a few redheads in the whole school (which held 7th-12th grade) and the sole Rose in the entire place. So they had a little better chance of remembering me. Or it was because Seester was so nice they remembered her and me by default! You went to a tiny school like my niece and nephew–that is a whole blog in itself!
I’ve never gone to a reumion, Whether it be high school, college, groups of friends or groups of co-workers. Not exactly sure why. Something to do with the belief that I’ve stayed in contact with the people that I wanted to stay in contact with and the rest is the past.
I do agree with that, Ken. I think having moved away after high school put a forced separation in there, so after 38 years I was happy to go back and check in with some folks. Now, though, comes the part of…will we stay in touch? 🙂
You’ve beautifully articulated the thoughts that go through our minds about revisiting school days and that is a lovely photo of you Rose Mary! Must admit I’ve never been tempted to attend one of my reunions. I heard from the committee several times over the years and a few of my old classmates attempted unsuccessfully to park themselves in my home for their Hawaii vacations, but that wasn’t a happy time in my young life so while I learned many lessons there’s never been a desire to relive any of it.
Thank you, Marquita! I think high school bruises a lot of us–I was sure happy to get away and get to college in a new city. Ha ha to the couch-moochers that pop up from time to time. There is a great passage in “Under the Tuscan Sun,” (or it could be the sequel book) where she has written about all the work they do to make their house a home. Then people show up, park on their butts and say: How nice you get to come here and not do anything. HuH?
I’m glad you found the reunion delightful.They can be fun or they can be kind of sad. I don\t think my small town high school class has had reunions, but I have attended town anniversary celebrations and it\s interesting to see how divisions that seemed important in high school don’t matter now.
Good point about the small towns, Donna. I will have to ask my niece & nephew if their classes every had reunions. I think they graduated 60 or less students in each of their events! And you are right–things that seemed apparently divisive in school didn’t seem to matter anymore. Good!
Lovely picture Rose! I never went to my reunions. They were held in 5 year increments and on those years I actually was dealing with my children being born and my parents passing away. It wasn’t a great time for me to share in the festivities. Maybe in the future I will attempt to go. We shall see. I do with my high school classmates on Facebook though. Thanks for sharing your experience. I think many feel the same way.
Thank you, Sabrina.
I’m sorry to hear that was a time when you lost your folks. Good blessing to having the kiddos around! Email and Facebook has certainly changed how we can stay in touch. I wrote a blog about that–There’s Only One Reason I’m Jealous of Millennials….
Ha!
I will admit in high school, I was probably a joke. I tried to be an athlete, but had no skills because I was a later bloomer. This was also the case in my education too. Funny, how after high school, I was one of the few to go to college, and also got inducted into an athletic hall of fame.
Going to my reunion, I observed how many stayed in that town, the jocks, who used to pick on me, never left and never reached any further than their parents did.
Still, I held no grudge and it was nice to see them again. They remember the “good old’ days of high school, I think of today and tomorrow. I guess we all focus of when days were good.
I applaud the changes and events in your life, William. Everything, thank goodness, changes after we leave high school behind. Those changes are just more drastic for some of us.
Rose, I know why you wrote this post – you just wanted to show off your gorgeous (and yes, serene) 17 year old self. LOL.
I’ve moved out of the area where I grew up and guess I’ve been hard to find because I’ve only ever been invited to one reunion – which I had to miss, unfortunately. I loved my school years and would have enjoyed going but alas, it was not to be.
Glad you enjoyed yours..
Oh Lenie, you crack me up! Wish I could have those serene moments these days, but I think I used them all up for that picture!
Like you, I left the area when I was 18–college and then carting all my stuff around the country. Parents and siblings stayed put (until Seester ran off to Montana) and I visited, but it’s not the same as living there and always staying in touch with people. Bummer that your class hasn’t gotten together again. I think ours will in another five years.
I just had my 20th a couple of years ago, and was thinking all these same things! It turned out to be a mix of good and bad, some nostalgia and some happily moving on. I think it’s a great thing to experience…once. 🙂
I was happy/surprised that there wasn’t any bad at this reunion. Well, okay one person made a numbskull remark, but since he’s a numbskull, I took it for that and let it go. Ha! It’s good to concentrate on the nostalgia part, right Meredith?
Great post, Rose, and timely for me, as I recently bumped into an old school chum I hadn’t seen in many years. She didn’t even recognize me! but since that day, we’ve communicated by e-mail and are meeting for lunch this week. Ito will be interesting to see how much we still have in common.
Doreen, I would think anyone seeing your smile would immediately zip back to those teenage years and remember you! Bravo to following through by getting together. Having found one college roommate on LinkedIn/Facebook, we are seeing each other next month. Cannot wait!
Humorous post!
I would not contemplate attending my school reunion (if they had one). I did not enjoy school as I was bullied and having fair weather friends did not help. Admidst the hurt and pain I still managed to laugh and hope for a better future.
Phoenicia, you are such a sweet and caring writer, that whoever those bullies were didn’t know what they were missing by not knowing you! Having grown up a runt with redhead and eight zillion freckles, I was teased, tortured, abused and always chosen last for sports. Okay, made that last was my sheer klutziness. Kids can be heartless brats!
Every time a class reunion comes up, it’s usually the thought of good, this will be so much fun. But then the I have to lose 20lbs, get a new wardrobe, facial, etc. thoughts set in. And as you get closer and closer to the reunion you realize you’ve only lost 5lbs and youre not sure of the outfit you plan to wear. But you end up going and its great to see everybody and you realize everyone has aged and that is not what is important. 🙂
Hilarious, Susan! And right on–all that stuff spun through my head. I gave up and wore clothes I love, shoes I could walk in and it was all good!
Ah yes the reunion! I went to my 40th. I hadn’t been since the 10th and I did have a lot of fun. Like you, we had lost several classmates and I found that sad. But by and large, it was really interesting to see so many people from so many years ago. I moved away right after graduation and really hadn’t been in close touch with anyone! But now a few of us write every now and again.
I’d also been gone since I was 18, Jacquie. Back to the general area 16 years ago, but still not “home.” It was a fun evening and nice to reconnect with several people. Now I know why these events sometimes last a weekend–there wasn’t enough time to talk to everyone!
Great article Rose Mary ! Unfortunately I could not attend this reunion but did go to a few in the past. I also could not help plan this one and really missed that aspect of the reunion, too. I did enjoy seeing all the pictures and really missed catching up with everyone.. like you.. have not seen you for so many years so hope all is well.
And I missed you, Jerry! You look the same in every picture I see–I wanted to see the real life version!
Pictures are all touched up that is why I stayed away 🙂 .. No actually my mother and father in law had their 50 wedding anniversary dinner that evening. It was at a beautiful place overlooking Heinz Field and we had a great evening there but missed seeing old friends, too. Seems events often happen the same time which create tough choices. Back in the good old days on Griffith Road when time seemed to stand still at points in our life.. If we only knew how quickly it all passes us by.. I would have spent more evenings at the horse shoe pit with good people and great conversations about the truly important things in life.
Ha ha, Jer! Yell sometime you’re in da’burgh…I’ll catch up with you.
Ah, the horse shoe pit…you are so right about spending time. I would have worked less and spent more time with my parents.
I could not attend the reunion but did enjoy seeing pictures and saddened by reading of classmates that have passed on. High school was a tough time filled with every emotion under the sun. Glad to have experienced it but also glad it’s over and glad I seem to have figured out a little bit of life. Maybe I’ll make it to the next one……..
Well said, Seester! Mostly, how did we survive each other? You were a tough act to follow! Of course brother had it worse–following both of us. HAHAHA.