Once upon a time I was going through a bit of stress and dropped ten pounds in a week.
Woohoo, I thought, skinny! I celebrated by buying a pair of Levi jeans in a size impossible to imagine today.
In reflection, I didn’t look good. I looked sort of like an old-fashioned kitchen matchstick: really skinny with a tuft of red hair on the top. This is not a good look on anyone.
Life Balanced Out, I began to Eat Again and Returned to my Usual Size
Shortly after I grew back into me, Jackie went into one of her crazy freak out exercise phases and poof, her body disappeared. The jeans went to her. You can’t trash a pair of Levis, you know? They have to be completely worn out, frayed edges, blown out knees, in other words–totally destroyed before they leave the closet. Sister friendships mean exchanging clothes–it keeps our wardrobes fresh!
Jackie wore them for some time until she got off her excessive exercise kick and went back to her normal weight. Where did the jeans go?
Neither of us cared until, I went on a crazy fitness kick and started exercising and even though my weight was the same, it got rearranged until I thought: Hmmm, I’ll bet I can fit that impossibly small pair of skinny Levis. Off to Jackie’s house I went. “Where are The Jeans?” I asked. “What Jeans?” Jackie answered, “I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.”
Jackie’s daughter was barely an adolescent at this time. I distinctly remember who the level-headed adult was as this casual inquiry became the biggest fight in a long history of major battles between two sisters. I mean, this argument beat out when I threw a hairbrush at her down ten feet of hallway, narrowly missing a mirror; or her whacking me a good one with a very wet, very heavy washcloth.
[bctt tweet=”I like an old-fashioned kitchen matchstick: skinny with a tuft of red hair on top.” username=”RoseMGriffith”]
Sister Friendships can Eventually Happen
Again, I ask: How did our parents not give one or both of us away?
The fight ensued and every single unsaid complaint we’d harbored against the other flung around the kitchen along with the aroma from the coffee we had been enjoying. The words bounced off the house walls–made of huge logs, they shuddered against the interior pine walls—damaging their soft blonde color. They hit against the cupboards and dropped with solid clunks upon the flagstone floors.
We exploded with exchanges that should have been shared in childhood. With tirades over things that happened as teens (she stole my boyfriend and I kept my side of the room like a pig sty to irritate her military tidiness). We moved onto who knows what conflicts we had in adulthood when we rarely hung out together and barely knew each other.
It was, as they say in the legends, a battle of epic proportions.
All the while, dear niece stood between us, calmly, dispassionately looking back and forth. She wondered what was going on with these two normally fun-loving women and was she really related to them?
Then, something happened. I wish I could tell you who said what, and what it was we said that became the pivotal point. But twenty-some years later, I’d be making it up, because I’ve no memory of the words.
As niece was getting thoroughly disgusted with the “grown-ups” in the room, it happened. One of us laughed. I’m going to say me because even with my red hair, I was always the one to laugh first when we were kids and fighting—back then because it would aggravate Jackie even more. This time I think the flame in me had died and I was suddenly realizing how much I loved this person.
For Jackie? I think she purged everything she wanted to say to her troubling kid sister for thirty-some years and the angst whoofed out of her in one big swoop.
We started laughing and laughing and laughed until we were crying. We met in the middle of the kitchen and held onto each other and laughed until tears were running down our faces. Daughter looked at her mom and her aunt, firmly and accurately stated: “You two are weird,” and stomped off to find someone saner to hang out with. Sister friendship launched!
Sometime Later, the Levi Jeans Resurrected
I fit them for a while, Jackie fit them for a while. Back and forth they continued to go.
I left Red Lodge to move to Pittsburgh. It wasn’t until I unpacked for about the third move that I found the jeans stuffed in a box I’d never opened. I knew exactly what I was going to do with them. Goodwill? Ebay? No way. I grabbed a marker and wrote down one entire leg. A trip to visit Jackie in Montana, and I snuck into Jackie’s bedroom and tucked the jeans into her closet.
The next time I visited, the jeans were hanging on the back of the door to my room. More words.
Somehow other words got added on and the Levis got hung in her bathroom when I left.
They disappeared for a trip or two. When I took my life-sabbatical, the jeans were the first thing I saw when I opened a dresser drawer. I howled at the new note from Jackie. When I left six months later, the jeans had room for one more note down one more leg.
Life Battles with People We Love are Vital
We don’t have to be mean or self-serving in these clashes, but we have to clear the air, let a breeze blow through and make sure we aren’t harboring thirty years’ worth of ill will one to the other. We have to let the accumulated conflicts out into the universe so they can float away from us, making us free to love more deeply and unconditionally than we ever thought possible.
Here’s to Jackie—my BFF and the love of my life–the other half that makes me whole.
**
As I get ready for another trip to visit Jackie and the other lunatics, I realized that Levi Jeans were missing when I was there last month. How sad! Will they make an appearance next time? I’ll keep you posted. That’s how sister friendships evolve.
**
Read, Another post about my favorite jeans, I Want to Wear Out Like a Pair of Levi Jeans
My sisters are nine and eleven years older than me, so I never had any real significant battles with them. However, one time that got in a slapping and hair pulling fight over arguing over who was going to stay home and babysit me. My mom didn’t find out about that until years later…
Yes, with our younger sister 10 & 12 years younger than us, we never had those kind of battles with her either. Look what you and Joanne missed out on! Ha ha–I am sure they were fighting for the fun of STAYING home with you!
Love your story. My sister and I are totally different, being the oldest, it’s almost a requirement that she needs to follow me whatever I ask. It’s the perk of an older sister, not by pride but how proud I am that I have a sister who makes me special, i owe that to her. Thanks for the reminder.
Welcome, Mahal. I’m #2 in the kid-list, but Seester lets me boss her around. Sometimes. HA!
I am going to admit, I never were jeans, in my entire life. Even as a kid I wore dress pants. I have however, know people who treat their jeans better than their own family.
What a great post and thanks for sharing.
William, I was re-reading this post and see that somehow I didn’t respond to you! That’s not right! Okay, so how does a person get through life with never wearing jeans? I’m intrigued!
My sister is 8 years older than me, so I missed all the sister brawls. But there’s something about big blow-outs when there is that cushion of unconditional love, I think a lot of the anger expressed in some of those sibling break downs has nothing to do we sisters or brothers, I had goosebumps reading your story it’s so precious.
You’re right, Pamela. When you (any two people really) have defined the unconditional love part, the blow ups are often necessary and helpful to moving to the next level of your relationship. I know it was groundbreaking for us!
Rose, I love the story of the jeans and what a creative use you found for them. Reading Ken’s comment, i laughed but now I think, wouldn’t it be great to see a picture of your niece wearing those jeans, writing and all. Think you can organize it?
If only, Lenie! Said niece is now a Crossfit freak. She is unbelievable small and super fit, but as she says, “Oh, these thighs! I can’t fit….” Yep, as a weightlifter, her thighs are mighty powerful and couldn’t fit those Levis. However, we can pass them along to the next generation—my great niece, Seester’s granddaughter. And, we can write into the Will: “Jeans to Adriana, story to be told by Jenny.” HA!
Pretty cool story. I’m glad you and your sister have some type of relationship. My sister only contacts me when she wants something.
Jason, not that I recommend it for everyone, but maybe you two need to have a rip-roaring fight about her only calling when she wants something!
You had me smiling from the first paragraph Rose Mary! As others here have already said, it’s obvious you have a terrific relationship with your sister … your entire family for that matter. Thanks for sharing your story and bringing a smile to our day!
Glad to bring you smiles, Marquita! Our family is definitely worth laughing at–over–with.
I love this story. It sounds as if you have a great relationship with your sister. And the messages on the jean is such a fun tradition!
Donna, then there was the time…Oh, I won’t go there yet. Yes, after all those teen years of fighting like banshees, she is my BFF and the best part of my heart.
I love your take on sibling rivalry!
Lol! My sister and I argued a lot as children and teenagers. We grew closer in our twenties and she is now like my best friend.
As the eldest, I could not help seeing her as a child when we were at high school. Only two years difference!
Phoenicia, I’m glad you and your sister followed our route of fighting and friendship–glad to know we’re not the only ones! Seester is the oldest, but we agree I act like it more of the time. HA!
What a fun post, Rose! And what a super idea to share thoughts in writing on the jeans! What a treasure that I’m sure your niece will treasure long after you’re both gone.
Doreen…great idea. I’m going to write into my Will: Jenny receives The Levis. HA! She will laugh.
I had a discussion about my niece and nephew and their crazy, combative relationship. I’m sure there is some object being passed between the two of them now as they both enter adulthood.
They’ll grow out of it, Edward. Most of us do. Whew!
What a touching and heartwarming story Rose. Boy can sisters battle it out. There is no other relationship that can quite compare to the one of sisters… Fighting one moment – loving the next. So glad you two have such a great relationship now. 🙂
I was shocked to discuss this post with a friend last night. She has two sisters and has never had an epic fight with either of them. I must dig more to find out how does this NOT happen? HA! Seester is wonderful and I am blessed.
Love!
I rather thought you’d laugh at this one, TJA!
What a fantastic story! You know, you can’t have fights of epic proportions with people who don’t love very deeply:) This really warmed my heart…to see that epic love played out so beautifully
We’re sure happy things turned out this way!
Oh where, oh where did I put those stinking jeans????? I gotta hurry up and find them!! What a great story….was that really us?? Glad we are where we are today and not where we were in our younger days! Love you!
Check the top right drawer in the blue room.
While the two of you were fighting did you happen to check to see if your niece was wearing the jeans?
I burst out laughing when I read this, Ken! Oh niece…
It took a bit of scrolling and clicking, but I found it! LOVE THIS ONE! And I love the “laughed ourselves to death” pic! Thanks for the pick me up! 🙂
Ah the Levis saga…it’s a goody! Glad that you laughed.
I would like a copy of the picture that should go with “Cooking by Smoke Detector” -love the “ta da” pose with Jackie’s apron and what appear to be ankle socks. Love you.
Gee, whatever do you mean?
Well, as far as who prompted these fights….you know what they say about instigating redheads, right? Ha ha.
I added the Laughing Ladies just for you, Seester.
I don’t have any recollection of what we even were yelling at each other about. I just remember laughing hysterically when we were through! It was a serious cleansing! Oh goodness, we have been through it, haven’t we?
I always think of the card that Bear sent…”Our faces were unrecognizable: cherry red gums, cavernous wrinkles trailing from our eyes, overworked nostrils stuck in a permanent flair. We had finally laughed ourselves to death.”
All I can say…having grown up with three sisters…is that this bring back a lot of memories!!! They can be so frustrating but where would we be without them for loving support.
She’s the best for sure!
Awesome story! My heart is laughing, crying and loving both of you. As I always say, there is NOTHING like a sister.