Like life, in real card games, there are no do-overs.
Growing up meant multiple decks of Bicycle Playing cards with a snazzy bike drawing or sword-wielding warrior inside the spade. Blue or red, each child had a pack with our names—Jackie, RoseMary, and Joey—scrawled across the box. We scribbled our names in our individual favorite Crayola Crayon choice. These decks were separate from the good packs set aside for our parents to use. That rule was put into place after one too many rambunctious and overactive games of War. Yep, we bent and mutilated far too many decks of cards.
In addition to those raucous battles, we specialized in highly competitive and fiercely fought rounds of Rummy. Oddly, when we three close-in-age kids played together, we were less determined to win than when we played against Mom. It was the same attitude we had when we played my much loved (still) Parchessi. Given a chance to send a competitor’s piece back to start, it would be, “I hate to do this, but….” Hilarious for siblings to act that way toward each other, don’t you think? Or proof that our parents raised us with a bit of consideration for others? Good job, folks!
Our Card Playing Mom
Mary was a fierce warrior. For all the do-unto-others she taught us, she showed her children zero game-related mercy. We weren’t allowed to pout or stomp off as sore losers no matter how many times she slaughtered us. She taught us the lessons of sportsmanship. Mom taught us that winning, while nice, wasn’t as important as doing your very best. She only gloated at her triumphs when we were fortyish-year-olds.
Mom continued to kick our behinds at games throughout her life, whether it be cards, Rummikub, or Scrabble. While she liked Uno and Clue, Dad tended to triumph at those, which probably kept them from being Mom’s favorites.
Mom taught us how to deal two versions of Solitaire. This game was a last resort when siblings weren’t available to amuse each other. Or more probably, when we’d had a huge fight and were exiled to individual rooms of the house. When we were growing up, the bedrooms of children weren’t the oasis of childhood they are now. Life was lived outside of the bedroom, in fact, most of our childhood was lived out of doors. I wonder what parents do today instead, go to your room—oasises of computers, electronic games, TVs, etc.
Mom was an ace (I couldn’t resist) at winning what I still deem to be the hardest version of Solitaire. The game laying out seven stacked piles, continuing laying out cards face up, working to rearrange them suit on suit. I can’t find a video or rules for this game—maybe someone can help me? With the patience of a stone cutter, Mom would study the cards. She would invariably find a move that six sets of eyeballs sitting around her, enthralled, missed. It was, and remains, too difficult a challenge for me to derive any enjoyment from.
Klondike is My Favorite Solitaire Card Game
Last summer, I started distracting myself from technology time-to-time by playing Klondike. You deal out seven stacks, alternating colors in sequences until eventually getting the piles built from aces to kings. Maybe I win a third or quarter of the time. I don’t mind when I lose or keep track of my wins. For me it’s about discerning the best possible move again and again. When the cards fail me, I think, what if I had moved that one instead? Would I have won? I shrug and reshuffle.
It’s always the strategy of any game that intrigues me the most. Do I play the five of clubs or the five of spades? We were taught no undoing your decision. When your fingers left the card, your play was set. Whatever the outcome, you’d made your choice and had to move on from it. Like life, I make a choice, I make a calculated selection and get to see what happens next.
Like life, in real card games, there are no do-overs. Click To Tweet
Ponder that lesson versus computer cards. With a computer you get a do-over, replaying the same game time and time again until you win. When our parents got pcs, they shared an elaborate el-shaped pine desk Dad made. They’d sit in their office, close enough to reach out and touch each other, far enough away to have breathing room. They would play individual games of Freecell, creating their own competition. My parents tracked how many times they each had to play the same game before winning it—funny folks, eh?
Solitaire With Real Cards is Like Life
You can reshuffle the deck and lay out a new game, playing through to a conclusion—winning or losing. But you cannot play the exact same game again. That card layout is gone—it’s physically impossible to duplicate what was.
Life is Like That Completed Game of Solitaire
What we do in our pasts is there—unchangeable. We can step into the future away from our past actions, leaving our mistakes along with the good decisions. Life leads us to proceed to our next solitary option.
But we don’t get a do-over.
More than ever in this technology-driven world, our children need to learn that there are consequences to their actions. One of our jobs is to teach children to avoid getting lulled into thinking every choice gone wrong can be fixed. They have to know every challenge can’t be conquered, that they can’t win every game every time.
There are instances we’ll lose in life—none of us are the non-stop, ever-achieving Golden Child of perfection. Sometimes we lose a card game, the promotion we’ve been striving toward at work, or our book deal falls through.
Occasionally we lose something more serious and intimate. Someone we love is gone, an accident claims a part of us, life makes a drastic detour ending in divorce. This is the way that living rolls at us full-tilt no matter what plans we’re making.
It’s our ability to Go Forward after the loss and the change, that makes us who we are: strong, resilient, purposeful. We accept the cards we’re dealt, that makes us who we are: strong, resilient, purposeful. Help kids learn that lesson when they are kids and adulthood may not be so difficult and full of angst.
And hey—Bicycle Playing cards are still made in the USA and a deal at Target: $2.99 for a nice red or blue deck. Let me know how the lessons go.
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Read: Parents and idle threats
I have always played this game on phone or computer. I never thought about thinking so deep. Thanks for bringing this image of the game. Actually, we don’t realise what will be the outcome of our action and we can not undo it. We should be wiser and think about all the probabilities of the outcomes before being silly in life.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Tushita. I hope you email and let me know when you’ve purchased your first deck of cards!
Hi Rose: It was interesting re-reading this post after 2 years. I feel much more strongly about thinking before acting than I ever did. 10 years ago I made the big mistake of buying a timeshare. I’ve finally bought myself out of that mistake, but the financial stress it bestowed on me has been very long-lasting. How I wish I could have just undid that original decision rather than buying my way out of it.
Thanks for reading it again, Doreen, that was nice of you! Maybe we need a course for high school and college students entitled: Consequences of your actions. I know that in my twenties I could be quite flippant about any number of things that I did, figuring if it was wrong, oh well I’d fix it. It would have been much better to have thoroughly thought through possible outcomes–like the timeshare–before plunging in. Glad you got out of that!
Great illustration RoseMary. Children do need to understand the consequences of their actions. We are not protecting them if we shield them from the facts of life. I have never truly got to grips with playing cards accept ‘snap.’ I did not understand how the game worked and did not care enough to try and pick it up. I have felt embarrassed whem a group of friends whipped out cards and I had to make excuses as to why I could not join them.
I’ve never heard of “snap,” Phoenicia, so I would be at a loss on that one–and so many others!
We were taught well about good sportsmanship, but I wish our parents had taught us to be a bit more competitive. They were nice people and that whole competition gene was lost on them and their kids. Hmmm, I’m trying to think of someone in my family who is highly competitive. Yikes! Parents have a tough job teaching a balance between those two things–and so many others.
Great comparison, Rose. I too agree that “kids need to learn consequences of actions”. I think with technology, they tend to forget there is a cause and effect to things. Thanks for sharing.
I should have taken a poll to see how many parents have decks of real cards at home! Bring back memories for them and entice them to play cards with their kids. Thanks, Sabrina!
Great piece Rose and love the ensuing discussion. I’m just so glad I get to work with a young girl and help teach her that life does not have ‘do-over’ buttons and to accept the consequences. Hard at 16 but she’s doing pretty darn well. I remember playing go fish for hours and the occasional solitaire.
Thanks, Jamie! I think you’ve been a great influence on that teenager. Now, does she play solitaire? 🙂
So true, Rose. I think that too often, kids think there is an auto-correct feature in life that can fix anything. We all have to learn that what we say or do has lasting consequences.
Perfect lead-in for next week’s blog about consequences, Doreen. You are right–I don’t think kids understand that autocorrect is only for computers, not life.
Great post! My family never really played alot of games together. We kids played games but not with our parents. I really enjoyed the time I came over to your parents’ house and played a few games! Such good memories!
We loved when you could join us for game nights! My parents adored you, Dar.
I remember playing Solitaire with real cards ages and ages ago. When I got my first computer in tenth grade, I then became hooked on the digital version for a couple of years. I haven’t played in a long time, but had a phase five or so years ago. Both my grandpa and aunt would pass hours playing solitaire. I used to like to watch them and the deftness of their hands as they moved the cards. Card are indeed a cheap form of entertainment. I always kept a few decks in my classroom for times when the power went out, etc.
It’s like card ballet, Jeri. I can envision your grandpa & aunt playing!
Yeah for Mac people! How do you not know of the cmd+Z to undo?? :o) Try it! Just be careful because there’s not always a re-do!
Skipbo was created by the makers of Uno (http://www.amazon.com/Mattel-42050-SKIP-Card-Game/dp/B0000205XI). We loved this one so much more than Uno. It’s more competitive than Uno so maybe that had something to do with it! I’d much rather play a real board game or with real cards as opposed to electronic games any day of the week!
I added Skip Bo to my cart. I have to check it out.
Yes, I’m not much for electronic games–I tend to get bored with them.
Fantastic post! We were always a card playing family and I am amazed a how few of this generation are actually into playing real cards, not solitaire on the computer where there is always an undo! You are completely right… card playing teaches good life lessons…still!
Maybe we should start a card-playing revolution!
Reminds me of being a child and being left with my grandmother during the day. At some surprisingly early age she tought me to play Canasta. Although she didn’t teach me well enough that I ever won when I played against her.
Canasta! I’ve never tried to play it although it has such a fun sounding name. Always wanted to try Pinochle, too. Ah, so many fun things to do!
Great read! I can almost guarantee that there are at least 3 decks of those bicycle brand cards in the drawer on the backside of my parents counter! I bet theres an old Uno or Skipbo deck in there too! That’s where the cards were always kept and they had regular decks plus the pinochle decks. Card games were a regular part of our family game nights. I recall many playdates when my mom and your mom would sit at the table and play cards while Joanne and I played barbies or whatever we were into back then. My parents had another group of close friends that they played cards with too at least once a month. Cards were and still are a great game.
The idea of an automatic do-over in life for big things, would be great but then there wouldn’t be the opportunity to learn from our mistakes. I would like a do-over button for stupid things though, like being able to press Apple + Z on the computer (Command or Control + Z depending your platform) to undo things like spilling my oatmeal across the break room counter last week. Because of the way I was holding the bowl to add the hot water, I didn’t take notice that my thumb was partially in the bowl until the water was at the level of my thumb! My first thought after a few choice words was Apple Z, Apple Z, Apple Z! (Mac folks tend to call the command key “Apple” because the key used to have an apple on it in the “old days”). AlthoughWell, I guess even with stupid things, there is always a lesson to be learned. No do overs. And now I want to go home and play a game of cards.
I’m a Mac person, Maureen, yet never heard of the Cmd-Z undo combo!
Yes, I’ll bet those cards are still in your Mom & Dad’s kitchen drawer. Oh, Squirrel…
What was/is Skipbo? That’s not one I remember. In the winters, we’d have great Uno games at Mom & Dad’s…I mean in recent years! Games are such fun.